I just wanted to have an extra set of eyes protecting me.

This glow-in-the-dark rosary. It’s been my comfort object for as long as I can remember.

I would like to say I got it while attending Saint Michael’s elementary school. I thought nothing much of it then.

As a younger child though, my mother didn’t want to keep fighting over who should take care of me.

She had a lot already on her plate, and her mind. She felt it best for me to go with my father.

I still remember going to court, and still remember them asking me who I wanted to go with. It hurt so much.

Protection

When I was younger, I found it hard to do almost anything, especially comfortably sleep.

I worried about my mom and my siblings. I wanted to leave my grandmother’s house and go take them with me, but I knew I couldn’t.

After always having a brother or big sister around to sleep with, it felt uncomfortable and unfathomable to have a bed to myself.

So I struggled to sleep. I still do to this day, but for other reasons.

I hung that cross on a lamp I kept for all those years. I believe we only moved it about five years ago.

It helped me feel like I had someone watching over me. It wasn’t about religion or anything; I just wanted to have an extra set of eyes protecting me.

I couldn’t imagine living anywhere in the world without it. I let my wife have it now; it’s just on the other side of the bed.

Maybe someday, I’ll just start wearing it. It even brings up emotions now, thinking about it, but I hope that once I am gone, my daughter, her kids, or someone who cares about me can feel the same protection and warmth it provided me for more than half of my life.

| How to Remember someone you lost – Latrelle | Do adults need security blankets? – Roberta Satow |