How to Treat and Love Others
I felt it was important to start with my sister.
She’s gone now, and with her went a large part of what first brought my mother pride. Her first and only daughter. A brilliant woman who carried so much love and affection. She was everything you’d want in a big sister, and everything a mother hopes her daughter can be.
She had flaws — like all of us do. Flaws shouldn’t be measured on a scale, because everyone carries them differently. What matters is how we try to manage them, and how we show up for others in spite of them.
Strength
My sister was born with sickle cell anemia. She was also bipolar. And still, she was one of the strongest women I’ve ever known.
With that much weight, how could there not be cracks? How could there not be moments where everything felt like too much?
Yet she tried. Over and over again.
She potty trained me. She taught me how to walk. She showed me what being a good person looks like — how to treat family, how to show up for friends, how to care even when life feels unfair.
She tried so hard to live the way she thought the world expected her to. The way she believed my mother wanted her to be. The way she felt she needed to be for me.
Sometimes that pressure becomes unbearable. Sometimes it’s easier to numb the pain than to carry it. Drugs can feel like relief when stress, depression, and the feeling of “never being enough” take over.
But even while she struggled, she was kind. She was encouraging. She was proud of me. My happiness became her happiness. My success felt like her success — and it made her smile.
One of the greatest gifts I was given was the chance to tell her, before she passed:
“I love you. No matter what I do in life, where I go, or how much physically larger I am than you — you will always be my big sister.”
The smile she gave me that day is something I’ll never forget. I’m grateful that it’s the memory I carry with me now.
Honesty
I learned honesty from all the women in my life, but my sister embodied it.
Being honest — and accepting both the positive and negative consequences that come with it — is essential. How can you sleep at night? How can you move through life with a clear conscience if you haven’t been honest with others, or with yourself?
She was always direct. Not to hurt people, but to communicate clearly and consistently.
I’ve always believed it’s better to hear the truth from me than to learn it from someone else. Once trust is lost, it’s hard to rebuild.
Honesty preserves connection. Silence erodes it.
I Miss My Big Sister
She gave me so much. I hope I gave her at least half of what she gave me.
She loved deeply, but she carried heavy demons. We believe she’s in a better place now — that she has her smile back, and that she no longer has to suffer.
There are moments when I envy that peace. Life is hard. But if life were easy, success wouldn’t mean anything.
And in so many ways, my sister was successful.
She raised intelligent children. She is deeply missed. She left behind people who loved her.
And honestly — that’s all I hope for when my time comes.
“The ones who love us will miss us.” — Keanu Reeves
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